Enneagram and Shame

 

(If you would prefer to consume this episode in audio format, Click Here)


 (If you would prefer to consume this episode in audio format, Click Here)

 (If you would prefer to consume this episode in audio format, Click Here)

Shame manifests differently for each type, and as with all our Enneagram work, we must start with self-observation. Getting to know the nuances of how shame shows up for us can help us better identify it and begin to root it out. This is SO important because the nature of shame it that it is most powerful when it is hidden to us and we believe the SHAME we feel is TRUE. 

Only when we identify shame as such, can we distance ourselves from it and no longer allow ourselves to internalize it's toxic message. 

Now, as I dive into how shame manifests for each type, it is SUPER important for me to add this disclaimer: These are STARTING POINTS from which to do your own observation. These are not prescriptive - these are not...

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Defining our terms: Ego and Essence

 

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Have you ever listened to an Enneagram teacher and they throw out some terms that you aren't fully understanding?? Today I am defining two terms: Ego and Essence. 

Ego = False Self
Essence = True Self

Before we go too much further let me just say that neither "self" is bad or good. They are simply two ways of being that do carry with them some consequences, but that's all. I don't want to vilify either of these two ways of being. Both belong. 

Let's start with False Self and Ego. I use these two terms interchangeably. It's the self that we feel that we have to be to make our way in the world. It's a self that is not our true essence, but something we have manufactured. Typically this is something that we create early on in our childhood. We perceive a lack in our "holding" (the environment in which we grew up) and when we perceive this lack we try to create balance by fabricating a...

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The Enneagram and Spiritual Practices

 

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Don't hear what I'm not saying (one of my childhood friend's dad used to say this all the time).

I do not believe the Enneagram can only be useful to ONE religious perspective. I believe the Enneagram transcends religion and can be useful and pulled into all religions and spiritualities. 

However, it IS a tool for spiritual growth, so we are going to go there. 

In my 5 Day Enneagram Challenge I talk a lot about how the Enneagram is a MAP. It's a guide to show us where we begin our journey, where we want to end, how we move and how we might plot a way to get there. 

All Enneagram work should end in freedom - transforming BEYOND our personality and finding that this persona, this armor that we carry is restricting us, it's causing us pain and it's no longer necessary. We begin to take off the armor as we make our way through Enneagram work. 

Removing the armor requires a spiritual...

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Rest and each Enneagram Type

I’m on vacation, and I’m SUPPOSED to not be working. But I can’t help thinking about REST. Why is it so hard for us to TRULY rest (not just numb and disengage…which is a side effect of NOT resting regularly and in a healthy way)?
 
Here are some thoughts around rest and each Enneagram type. 
 
I know for ME, when I am not prioritizing proper rest habits, I am in ego, I get close to burnout, I hold stress in my body and I am NOT my best, healthiest self. 
 
And…my compulsion to avoid rest stems DIRECTLY from the lie that MY type tricks me into believing is true. 
 
Oftentimes when we resist resting it’s a form of rejecting BOTH our divinity and humanity. Not standing in the DIGNITY and love that are ours by birthright, the divinity that our SPIRIT holds. 
And ALSO…
Rejecting our humanity, not allowing ourselves to have flaws, weaknesses, live in mystery or any other number of things that make us...
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Self Coaching with Compassion

 

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One of the most important and very first things I do when I am coaching with a client is make sure that I meet them with empathy and compassion. 
 
When clients share with me their shame, their fear, anger, 
insecurities or frustrations, often times I can see they have already beat themselves up about it. 
 
All the “shoulds” come out. All the ways they “know better” but keep finding themselves doing the same thing over and over. 
 
In that moment, one of the most powerful things that any coach, therapist, mentor, etc can do is meet all of that lack with abundance. Abundant compassion, love and empathy. 
 
Compassion allows all the swirling emotions and energy to slow and settle. 
 
If you’ve ever had a glass bottle with water and sand or dirt in it, you know that when it’s swirling around and the sediment and sand are...
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